I feel so overwhelmed with everything I need to do. I feel like I probably shouldn’t take the time to post this, but honestly I need to share it. I read an article today from Rachel Macy Stafford’s blog Hands Free Mama about self care and it touched me to the core. I get stuck in thinking I can do everything and that I don’t need to take care of myself because I’m trying to become a better person, serve others and accomplish all that is expected of me and all I expect of myself. This crazy thinking and behavior doesn’t help me. It causes me to crash, feel guilty, shame myself and continue on with the negativity tornado that would suck the life from me if I allow it to continue.
In Rachel’s article she said things like:
Sometimes I forget I have feelings.
Sometimes I forget I have needs.
Sometimes I forget I have limits.
I felt like she was saying words I could say about myself. She also said:
Even losing yourself in good works is still losing yourself …
Even the one who handles everything must rest and restore …
Even the strongest have moments of weakness …
Even the most vibrant on the outside can be dying on the inside …
Even the most vibrant livers of life need to frequently re-evaluate their priorities …
Even the best fall down sometimes.
and
Even the one who holds up the world needs a reprieve.
Even the one who doles out the love needs replenished.
Even the best fall down sometimes.
I nearly cried when I read those words. I do need a reprieve… from myself. I need to remember to be gentle with me. I need to pace myself and not just keep going even when I feel exhausted physically and/or emotionally. I need to allow myself to take a break without guilt or self directed anger because I need a break at all.
I have a bucket that needs to be filled.
I need to take that time to fill it so I can help others fill their buckets.
I try really hard to be wonderful to everyone else so why don’t I treat myself that with that same kindness? I try not to flog myself when I fall down because I made a small mistake, but that is much easier said than done. I remind myself that God would absolutely never treat me the way I find myself treating me sometimes. I would never ever treat anyone else that way, and I’d stand up and say stop if someone was emotionally abusing someone I love. Sometimes I stand up for complete strangers even though people look at me like I’m crazy. So why do I forget that I deserve that same respect and allow the adversary and my own perfectionism to attempt to shame me into such self abuse? I really don’t know.
Everyone makes mistakes, and
it’s ok if we are doing our best, and
we get up and apologize and try again.
I often stop myself mid sentence when I’m mentally allowing negative self talk and replace it with positive, empowering statements. And yet these thoughts still come. However in thinking about it, maybe I only do that for certain negative self talk and feelings. Maybe I’m not really accepting myself as a whole, only just the parts I feel are already acceptable or that I feel I need to accept. And maybe my empowering statements are really just reworded self criticism. I really need to think about this more and pay more attention the messages I’m allowing to play in my mind.
I’ve noticed that since my inner anger and resentment about my limits doesn’t have actual words associated with it (it’s just feelings) that I haven’t been redirecting it. In writing this article I’ve just realized that I really need to accept myself and let go of all those perfectionist expectations I’ve been holding on to. If only it was as easy as just saying it.
I guess the devil and his minions are always trying to bring us down and we just need to keep pushing those thoughts away. I know that with prayer and trusting in the Savior’s grace I can overcome all things. I’ll start with a grain of mustard seed’s worth of faith, get up and keep trying.
By the way Rachel has a book that will be released in September.
If you go to Hands Free Mama you can find out how to get another book she wrote free until September 7th.