It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted. Sometimes life seems to get in the way of our best intentions. I find it’s hard not to judge myself for these “inadequacies”. I’ve learned that placing these types of labels on myself doesn’t help me. When I begin saying these things to myself I have to keep redirecting this internal voice. I’ve found that each time I practice good self talk it gets easier and becomes more natural.
In the last two years much has changed in my life. Even previous to my last post I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was in denial and kept seeking other answers. After receiving this diagnosis from more than one doctor I began to realize it was probably real. I still didn’t accept that it would change my life significantly. I kept trying to do as much as I wanted to do at the time and would become exhausted or be in excessive pain. I would always attribute these symptoms to something else although the writing on the wall was quite clear I refused to read what was written.
In January 2012 I had the most excruciating emotional experience I can imagine caused by the death of my oldest daughter. She was having migraines and the neurologist ordered an mri but they didn’t find anything. Less than a month later which was a week before her death Primary Children’s Hospital found she had a large clot in the veins leaving her brain. Although everything possible was done to save her life she didn’t survive. It was emotionally devastating. Even though it’s been over a year an a half now I’m still working though the grief process. I’ll be posting much about self care during grief. I’ll also be posting more about how I learn to care for myself with fibromyalgia.
Life often throws unexpected and unwanted challenges our way, but learning to cope with them and keep on going is one of the most important things we need to learn in this life. It’s not easy, but the alternative isn’t a road I’m willing to look down. That is a dark place that I never want to be in. I want to keep walking to the light even when my pace isn’t as fast as I’d like. Movement in the right direction is still movement toward where I want to be.